One of the more popular themes for the month of November is gratitude. This year, our theme can be grief and gratitude. How can they both exist, and how do we manage them?
When I ask others what comes up for them when they think of gratitude, they often mention family, health, safety, financial stability, and freedom. As a queer and trans Orthodox Jew, these ideas have become more fraught and less assured in the last 13 months.
In the past year, I have found myself in a number of situations where one or more of my identities had to be kept quiet in order for me to feel safe. I used to take for granted that I am visibly identifiable as Jewish and am safe in the areas where I live and work. But that has changed. In queer spaces, I started wondering and fearing what might be said to me or about me if they knew I was an Orthodox Jew.
We are living in a time where our rights and liberties may be at stake. Many of us are coping with fear and grief for the political future we had hoped for. This is a time when we need to reach inside for our grit, fortitude, and strength. This is a time to gather our loved ones and community in a warm embrace. When we feel loved and accepted, we can withstand so much. If you know people who are vulnerable, who are not feeling held by their community, please reach out to them. Being isolated increases a person’s risk. But having a strong support network is a protective factor.
Transgender Day of Remembrance is meant to remind the world that beautiful souls were taken from this world because they were gendered differently than the cultural norm. We want to shout their names, uplift their memories, and cry for the loss of their light in our lives. Let’s also remember that before they died, they lived and loved, whole in the image of Hashem. We also need to celebrate them, and remind us all of the joy of being fully human and fully ourselves.
To our allies, keep talking about the importance of giving people the opportunities to explore what gender means to them. Keep sharing that being trans is not a choice. That accepting a trans person as they say they are may actually be saving their life, so that we won’t have to lose another trans soul to suicide or violence, chas v’shalom.
My trans family, it is important to be visible, for ourselves, for each other, for the young trans people who have yet to come into their own or are afraid to. And of course, above all, please be safe. Because today needs you. And so does tomorrow. We all need you.
On this day, let us remember. Let us grieve. And let us not forget to rejoice, to be grateful for the freedoms we have, for the lives we can live. Let us not forget that being transgender 100 years ago, or even 50 years ago, was a completely different landscape. We have come so far, gained so much. We are too strong and too whole to go back.
Joshua Avishur, MSW