By An Eshel Parent | June 25, 2026
It’s really scary to have your child come out to you as queer when you live in an Orthodox Jewish community. There are questions about what it means to be gay or transgender or any of the other LGBTQ terms, but what I’m addressing specifically is the fear of you or your child being rejected by the community.
Rejection can come in the form of someone refusing physical contact or scooting away to a different bench in shul. It can come from actual name-calling in school. In some ways even more painful are the kind but “practical” considerations, such as a shul’s policy: “Of course we love your child, but we can’t announce their engagement.” Even when the community is kind and loving and accepting, curiosity can start to feel intrusive when friends ask questions that remind you how alone your family feels.
When my son first came out to me during his freshman year in a Jewish day school, I was lucky that I knew right away where to turn. I already knew about Eshel, a community for Orthodox Jewish LGBTQ+ people. Since having supportive parents is critical to the success and survival of LGBTQ individuals, Eshel had the wisdom to establish a group that supports parents of LGBTQ Orthodox Jews as well.