כי קרוב אליך הדבר מאד בפיך ובלבבך לעשתו
Know the word is very close to you- on your lips and in your heart may you enact it.
This verse in Bamidbar has always struck me. I feel so intrinsically that the mitzvot which our tradition calls upon us to observe and enact, dwell deep in my heart and at the tip of my tongue. Further, as I reflect on my journey coming into my queerness as a Jew, I am so held by my connection to machloket in Torah study. The raw truth that every contradicting sentence and thought in the Beit Midrash is Divine word paired with every body, gay or straight, frum or secular being sustained by a divine spark.
When I got to UMass Amherst in 2021 I was lost. My halachic practice had fluctuated during COVID, I was eager to find queer friends, and I had moved across the country away from everyone and everything I knew and loved. My initial attempt to step into the Hillel community was turned off by the lack of egalitarian davening options and discomfort of having to make a whole new group of Jewish friends. Quickly, that discomfort and fear was overridden by my intense desire for closeness to the tradition again. I wasn’t my full self without Jewish engagement, and the friends I was making didn’t understand my Friday night decision paralysis.
I decided to challenge myself by trying out some events put on by the Orthodox student group, Degel, and was pleasantly surprised by my peers’ openness to my queer identity and trad-egal background. One year led to the next and I was suddenly on the leadership team, organizing shabbatot, shiurim, formals, and being the first to welcome prospective students from all over the country. This is all to say, that despite my unique background and hesitation toward orthodoxy, I was brought in with immense love and care by fellow students and the JLIC family.
Unsurprisingly, I still served as a “token queer” in many ways. My friends and fellow board members would brainstorm Women’s and Men’s learning spaces and were challenged by my consideration of the trans and nonbinary folk in our broader community. I would walk into our prayer space with a pit in my stomach knowing I would never sit next to my male friends whom I loved to sing with. When visiting my girlfriend at Brandies I’d have strange interactions with orthodox students who were surprised by my involvement in Degel leadership. I needed Eshel, I needed affinity and support, I needed to hear my experience reflected in those around me.
Now, here I am working to make that reality come to fruition for the next generation of collegiate, Jewishly engaged Queer young adults. Last year Eshel launched our pilot Campus Fellowship, an opportunity to interrogate this tension in college orthodox communities. We are excited to announce that Eshel is launching the 2nd year of our Campus Fellowship program and the application is open! As a cohort, student participants will engage in workshops focused on personal storytelling, queer inclusion, and community development. Individually, students will work closely with me to create programming specific to their schools needs around Queer inclusion and Orthodox allyship.
While this experience focuses on the needs of Queer Orthodox folk, the opportunity is not limited to individuals with either or one of those identities. Maybe you’re a weekly Hillel goer with a gay friend who feels scared to join you for fear of isolation or judgment, this fellowship is for you. Perhaps you grew up in a home that celebrated your lesbian identity but never encouraged your excitement for text study and halacha, this fellowship is for you. Maybe you got to college and realized these two identities do not need to exist in contradiction to each other, this fellowship is for you.
At Eshel, we are committed to supporting Queer Jews in embracing their closeness to halacha and practice. In many ways, what makes us such committed Jewish people is our ability to question everything in our lives, from sexuality to Torah. If you’re interested in the program but are worried about the time commitment, apply anyway! We have the capacity to meet you where you are and want to support you in the ways that fit your needs and schedule. May today bring ease, clarity, and new curiosity to be grappled with tomorrow.
Adinah Singer-Frankes